Plus Size Preggo

I haven’t blogged in so long, I feel like there’s so much to say…there’s not even really a way to organize everything I want to write into cohesive sentences! LOL

So, I guess an update…Elliot is now 6 weeks old. I stay home with him all day cuddling him, feeding him, trying to keep my eyes from involuntarily shutting and wondering how I’m going to keep up on work and errands. I love every moment of it, though sometimes I have to remind myself of that (ok, only when I’m falling asleep while holding him)…

I LOVE being a SAHM/WAHM…I get to spend all day with my spud, I don’t miss any of the amazing and fun new things he does EVERY SINGLE DAY…it blows my mind how insane it is to see the world through my sons eyes. So many things we take for granted every day (like, THAT OUR ARMS ARE ATTACHED TO OUR BODIES!) are brand new to a baby, and that is just the coolest thing.

He’s been holding his head up on his own since before we left the hospital (CRAZY), he rolled over from belly to back for the first time the day he turned a month old, he’s been smiling for a few days and finally sort of laughed yesterday (it sounded more breathy than giggly LOL)…He’s super alert, always looking at everything around him, studying people and things, taking them all in…and trying like crazy to tell us stuff though of course he’s nowhere near talking. He’s just incredible.

Being a SAHM is very demanding though, so blogging has taken a backseat. I’d rather be fully living with my son than just sitting behind a laptop telling people about it. Hopefully now that things are KIND OF finding a routine, I can get on here a bit more frequently to update every once in a while (though facebook and instragram get updated fairly regularly).

I also fully intend on writing my birth story sometime this month. I just feel it’s going to be pretty long and detailed (it oughta be, considering it was 46 hours!) so I want to make sure I can find the time to start and finish it in the same session so I don’t lose my flow :)

Well, I’m going to try to eat something and sterilize some baby bottles while Elliot naps…I leave you with some pics from the past few weeks and hopefully you’ll hear some more from us sooner rather than later!

(by the way, after I write my birth story, I plan to make my blog invite-only and post only general mom-type musings on tumblr…nothing incredibly personal in order to protect my family’s privacy. If you’d like an invite, leave me a comment with your email, which is required by Blogger in order to let you in to the blog. Thanks!)

…definitely a tough realization. I had “it” last night while talking to my sister…it was one of those things where you talk and talk so much that eventually something profound pops out of your mouth without even thinking about it.

I was explaining to my sister all the reasons why I want a completely unmedicated birth (in no particular order):

1) I want to avoid the slippery slope of unnecessary interventions. For example, if you are induced and they start you on Pitocin, your body is forced to labor before it is ready, which leads to much stronger and more painful contractions than you might have actually had if you had avoided the drugs. Now that the pain is SO strong, you feel like you need an Epidural, so you get one. the thing about an epidural (or any pain medication) is that it slows down your contractions, and before you know it, you’re being given MORE pitocin because you’ve plateaued or slowed down more than the hospital would like. The pain is back full force, so you get more pain medication. Lo and behold, the doctor walks in and tells you that the baby’s heartbeat has slowed/risen/become erratic, etc. and now you need an emergency c-section. What they won’t tell you is that the heartbeat got like that because the baby couldn’t handle the constant changes in the uterus due to the medications.  Now your baby is in danger and you need emergency surgery just because of one intervention that didn’t even need to happen.

2) It’s safer for the baby to labor naturally, not just because of the reasons I listed above, but because every medication you could be given (and there are LOTS of kinds, not just pitocin or an epidural) can leave your baby in a stupor for hours, even days after birth. I would rather bond with a baby that is more alert than know he has no clue who I am because I made sure he was born zonked out.

3) the most important reason in my gut is that I VALUE the hard work and dedication it takes to give birth naturally. I don’t know if it’s this city and it’s “get in, get out, get on with life” superficiality, or what…but there is ZERO support here for mothers that want to go natural. You’re likelier to be told you’re insane for trying (even by other moms) than receive any sort of support. There’s no natural-method birthing classes in the entire county, insurance doesn’t cover midwives (if you can FIND one), there’s no resources on cloth diapering or baby wearing…even breast-feeding past 3 months is weird and taboo here. I’ve spoken to two OBs and even hospital staff regarding my wishes for a natural birth, and every SINGLE time, I was answered that all my requests would depend on what drug(s) I was on at that particular stage of labor. So literally EVERY person I spoke to regarding my birth assumed that I would have some sort of drugs at some point of the labor, even when I had prefaced the conversation with “I want a natural birth, so…”

 I mentioned that earlier this week, I had a breakdown because I was so frustrated with the anxiety of the upcoming birth and not being able to plan for everything because every time I spoke to someone else about my birth plan, I was told at least a couple more things I could not count on having. While I was talking to my sister, I realized that my problem was the planning. I desperately want a natural, drug-free birth, but the fact is that all the books I’ve read on the topic and all the videos I’ve watched to prepare all assume that I will be among supportive people in an environment suitable for natural labor and delivery. 

I am not. And I will not. And as much as I blame myself for that, it is unreasonable to because there’s nothing I can do about it.

The hospital requires continuous fetal monitoring. They don’t have wireless OR waterproof monitors. This means that once I am admitted to the hospital, I will literally be strapped to a bed in one position until I have the baby. In my original birth plan, I wanted to labor in a tub, or at least in a shower because I’ve found throughout the pregnancy that all my pains can be eased substantially with warm water. Well, there ARE no tubs, and I am not ALLOWED to shower until after the baby is out, “considering whatever drugs you’re on have worn off at that point”. Why? “Hospital rules.” That’s it. I’ve not once been given a legit medical reason why I can’t do X, Y, Z…all I get is “it’s hospital policy and they’re not flexible” which is basically they’re way of saying “don’t try to fight us on this, you’re going to lose.” In fact, I was even told by one of the doctors that if I want to labor in the shower, I better “stay at home as long as possible”. Hmm.

Because the hospital requires continuous monitoring, I am also not allowed to walk, squat, or otherwise change position at all because I cannot take the monitor off. Every resource I’ve come across says that changing positions can be the difference between tolerable and intolerable contractions, and that laying on your back is the absolute WORST and most PAINFUL way to labor. Well, that’s apparently the only choice I have.

I’ve been mentally preparing for the fact that labor is going to be hard and painful and will require a LOT of determination on my part, but that’s considering that I’d have the ability to labor in a way that would encourage or facilitate what I want/need. In my current situation, I’m fighting an uphill battle because I’m putting pressure on myself to do something that’s ALREADY so difficult, PLUS I have the hospital policy pushing back at me. It’s an uphill battle at best.

So what conclusion did I come to? 

I cannot plan. I should not worry. I am as prepared as I can be, but I do not know what to expect, and I shouldn’t expect anything because it will only lead to disappointment if/when things don’t go the way I thought they would.

So I am still going to do my best to cope with the pain naturally using the techniques that I have been focusing on for months. But I am also trying to come to peace with the fact that I might feel I need pain medication, and that I shouldn’t hate myself or feel disappointed if I go that path. As it is right now, I know I will feel like an absolute failure if I opt for pain medication, but I realize I need to cut myself some slack because the hospital is literally making everything as backwards to what I need as they can, and there’s nothing I can do about that.

As soon as I said out loud to my sister that I should try to forgive myself in advance in case I DO opt for pain medications, a calm came over me. As long as Elliot gets here healthy, I should focus on that and not HOW he got here, though I do still feel it’s so important to do my best and go natural for the both of us. I’m not 100% ok with being this flexible yet, but I can’t  regret something I haven’t even done yet, and if I DO do it, I can only use it as a learning experience for next time. 

And by next time, I mean I am NEVER setting foot in an OB or hospital again when it comes to having children. I must find support for a more natural path here, otherwise I foresee all of Elliot’s future siblings being born outside this city. This pregnancy has made so many beautiful things in my life, but it has also made me deeply dislike this city and it’s attitude, and I’d love nothing more than to give my children a chance to live AWAY from it and it’s influence.

OFFICIALLY full term!!! I decided in order to celebrate our full-term-ness, I should take my belly pic this week in my hospital gown ;)

This week I began maternity leave, and I’ve made it a point to stay in bed every single morning until past 10am, because once Elliot is here, I won’t be able to do that til he and all his siblings are in college (maybe not even then)…so I’m taking advantage and trying to do my best to be as calm, content and relaxed as I can stand to be in the days (weeks?) leading up to Elliot’s birthday.

I can truly say at this point that at every second of every day and night, I am in SOME sort of pain. The contractions won’t quit (to the point that we went to the doctor twice this week just to check that I wasn’t in labor), the sciatica is getting worse (I’m now becoming paralyzed in my left leg at certain intervals/positions…it feels like there’s a giant weight strapped to my thigh and as much as I want to move, I simply CANNOT without help) and now we’ve also got these crazy menstrual-type cramps going 24/7 for the past 4 days. I finally broke down on Tuesday and cried for the first time about wanting to have Elliot here already…much to my husband’s delight…not because I no longer want to be pregnant, but because the anticipation of the actual birth is killing me and I want to be able to look BACK on it already, not keep thinking about when it MIGHT happen.

BTW, that aspect of pregnancy is absolute torture for a Type A personality like myself that likes to plan everything and always know exactly what to expect. Absolute TORTURE.

A week ago today (the first day of week 37, as today is actually the first day of week 38…I am posting late, but the pic id from yesterday), we had an ultrasound showing that Elliot was weighing 6 lb, 10 oz. In a few hours, we shall have another to see how much weight he’s gained since last week.

In related news: Hubs finished putting together the baby’s room yesterday. I wasn’t allowed in it for a week so he could set everything up. I cried when I saw it, of course. Hopefully over the weekend, I can do a post on the nursery, and I’d also like to do one on the latest book I read, and also a post dedicated to putting together our hospital bag.

:)

As I’ve mentioned before, we haven’t had the best luck with cars…ever.

My car officially died back in July, and in the meantime I’ve been hitching rides to work with my dad (poor guy!) while my husband kept using our 2000 Cavalier (donated by my dad…again, what a saint!) which is a 2 door death trap. The AC doesn’t work if you’re standing in traffic, the brakes catch and get stuck, and the car constantly overheats. Yesterday was the last freaking straw because on our way to an ultrasound, a POISONOUS SPIDER crawled out of a crack in the dash and terrified us all the way to the hospital and back home. 

Well, it just so happens that for the past couple of weeks, we’ve been looking for a functioning 4 door car and…(SURPRISE) we got one! We found THE car we wanted (all the way in Naples) and bought it sight unseen cuz it was just perfect! It was delivered today to my job and it is a DREAM! The first thing we did after driving around the block was install the base for Elliot’s car seat. It’s official. WE HAVE A FAMILY CAR.

So happy!

I’ve always wanted a station wagon!!! And now I have the coolest almost-station wagon ever ;)

If I had to sum up this week in one word, it would be: CONTRACTIONS.

Painful, take-your-breath-away contractions. Yipes! The weirdest thing is that if I’m having particularly long or extra painful contractions, I just eat something and it goes away…it freaks me out because idk if Elliot complaining that he’s hungry might be exacerbating the pain, or if something else might be wrong. I am, however, taking the contractions in general as a sign to get ready and I am getting SUPER EXCITED that our little sir will be here any day now!

Speaking of coming any day, yet ANOTHER doctor (this time one of my OBs) confirmed that Elliot is in position and engaged, meaning his head is already between my hips and he’s locked and loaded for birth! 

Said OB also surprised me with a Group B Strep test yesterday, when I was told (read: FOOLED) that it was next week…that wasn’t so pleasant LOL but a necessary evil, I suppose.

I’m so happy that in this past week, we received the dresser, changing table and crib (thank you, mom and dad!) and that my glider came in (it’s SO comfortable…I fell asleep on it pretty much the moment hubs finished putting it together), so now we just need to put everything in its place. I was so worried the baby would get here before his things, since most of them were in back order, but thankfully everything seems to be falling into place, as hubs kept insisting they would. Speaking of things falling into place, we might even have a pretty big surprise by the end of the week…big for us, anyway. We shall see…

I read this book in NO TIME at all! I couldn’t put it down.

It is such an easy read! There is a flow to it like it’s a conversation you’re having with an old friend that happens to know A LOT about labor and delivery, rather than being talked at. It goes in depth into the interventions that could be suggested (or insisted on) by hospital staff, but rather than just list the side effects of each, etc., the book explains how best to handle saying no to the intervention in a way that doesn’t undermine the caregivers. It also talks about the evolutionary reasons why we need advocates during birth, because our rational mind will basically fly out the window at some point during the labor and we need help making sure the hospital staff know what we want and why we want it.

The thing I liked most about this book is that the author took the time to write an entire chapter describing how labor FEELS. Every book I’ve read throughout the pregnancy stresses that it’ll be difficult, painful, etc. but in this book, the author tries her best to describe the exact sensations your body and mind will go through each step of the way…I guess some women would prefer not to know that, but I like the fact that I can prepare myself mentally for what might arise. 

Bottom line: for sure if I were to recommend only one book for mommas-to-be, this would be it. I loved the tone, and it was super informative.

I’m going to start focusing on post-birth books, considering that I might not have time to read those once the baby is actually here…The next book on my list is “The Happiest Baby on the Block” which came very highly recommended!

OFFICIALLY: This is my last week working in the office for the foreseeable future. I’m going to come in every day this week (I usually come in 3-4 days a week) so I can finish training my brother, who started last week, to do the office management duties around here, and to tie up any loose ends before I go on maternity leave starting next week.

Considering that I AM the agent in the office, and my brother doesn’t have a license for quoting/selling insurance, he is limited to administrative day-to-day things that I handle, meaning I’ll be taking home my binder of prospects and quoting/selling from home, so I am officially a WAHM as of Monday. I’m not sure if my dad realizes that my intentions are to stay working at home indefinitely, considering that putting Elliot in day care would pretty much take up my ENTIRE take home pay, making working at all useless…but I have no doubt he’ll decide on his own it’s the best thing once he sees how efficient everything runs with me at home and my brother handling the daily stuff here.

I never went back to reading the Ina May book since I figured rather than continue to traumatize myself, I could just look for alternatives…

It took me a REALLY long time to get through this book, mostly because it reads like a textbook…but I did appreciate how IN DEPTH they get about EVERYTHING. This book doesn’t necessarily have an “agenda” as far as pushing for med-free births, as some other books I’ve picked up have had. Rather, it runs through pretty much EVERY option in EVERY scenario so that the mother and her birth partner(s) can be as informed as possible should an unforeseen scenario arise. This is one thing I really appreciate about this book, since one of my biggest concerns is being bullied into an intervention that might not be necessary…if you ask for explanations of procedures once you “need” them, you may or may not have time to get a direct response, much less be able to think on it, so it helps to be taught and prepared in advance.

I recommend mommas-to-be read this book, especially if you’re interested in learning the ins and outs of the labor process in detail and/or if you’re interested in trying to go pain-med-free for your labor/delivery. Try to start reading it sooner rather than later in your pregnancy though ;) I started reading it in week 32 and I finally finished it today because it wasn’t exactly a page-turner.

Next, I’m going to read “Natural Hospital Birth: The Best of Both Worlds“…Hopefully I can finish it this week, because I have a couple more books I’d like to digest before our little man makes his way into the world :)

A day late and a dollar short…or just a day late…the blog post at least, not the photo. I took the photo yesterday, still safely in week 35, but hubs insisted we hang out and watch “Top Shot” rather than blog, and I happily obliged!

I cannot even FATHOM how close we are! Hubs is sure Elliot will be here between September 15-20, and my mom is betting on September 26 on some hunch she has, so I’m wondering if we should start taking bets ;) If my son is anything like me, he’ll come late just because it’s the last thing everyone expects!

My insomnia (and the cold or whatever was causing it) have gone completely away, which is great, but sleep hasn’t been completely easy because of the sciatica…my left hip all the way down to my foot are in constant pain to some degree, and (TMI) my groin is the most painful bit of it all! The baby’s head is separating my inner leg from my “area”, and it feels just like it sounds. Sitting and walking are crazy uncomfortable/painful. This has been the first week that I’ve FELT pregnant. 

Hubs was teasing me last night, asking if I’ve hit that “OMG JUST COME OUT!” phase yet, and I let him know that actually, I haven’t yet. In reality, I spent a good 10 minutes crying in the shower the other night because my days with my son in my belly are numbered. I’ve been told that my love of pregnancy is not normal LOL but I guess normal isn’t really my thing…

I love my son!!!!

I’ve been on a mission to find the perfect glider suitable for plus size preggos…The glider we originally registered for was not only obscenely expensive, but did not have the highest of weight capacities. The last thing we wanted was to spend $400 on a chair that we could expect to fall apart on us because it wasn’t meant to hold me in the first place…

After checking countless forums, manufacturers websites and reviews online (not to mention comparison shopping at different websites to get the best deal), I was able to find this:

It costs $200 retail INCLUDING the ottoman, is the exact material and color of all our other furniture, and holds up to 300 pounds.

BONUS:  This weekend, it’s $20 off and comes with free standard shipping, so I was able to get it for $185 including shipping and taxes. The cheapest option at Babies R Us would have cost us at least $250, PLUS it would have had a much lower weight capacity, rendering it pretty much useless to us.

Yay, plus size friendly finds! Let me know if you have any tips for plus size friendly mommy gear that you’d like to share…